The Onion Spills Details On Apple’s Electric Car


Courtesy of The Onion, we’ve discovered some key details/features we’ll likely see on Apple’s rumored electric car.

Here are some of the highlights that you’ll want to keep an eye out for:

  • Driver prompted to sign into iCloud before each gear shift
  • Compatible with most major roads
  • Windshield cracks easily, though car typically still works fine afterward
  • Sticker price of $85,000 drops to $199 with two-year Verizon contract
  • Wheels turn into rainbow pinwheels whenever car stalls

Sounds interesting, doesn’t it?  Guess it’s time to get that Verizon plan.

For a full rundown of the features, click the source link below.

Source: The Onion

Categories: Apple, General

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19 Comments on "The Onion Spills Details On Apple’s Electric Car"

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I can’t even remember when The Onion was funny anymore.

As a hopeless Apple addict, I actually found this hilarious

That concept car is a Volkswagen Nils.

That kind of car is perfect for commuters. And since it’s light and aerodynamic it doesn’t need a heavy and expensive battery.

A lot cooler than Renault Twizy. I really hope to see Volkswagen Nils and Opel Rak-e become production cars. They make lot of sense in European cities.

Almost look like the Danish electric vehicle from 1980 –

These lightweighted electrics are awesome.

All these newfangled light cars just look too cold and soulless. Me, I want a BEV version of the BMW Isetta.

In person, that single front refrigerator-derived door is unbelievable practical and elegant looking. We don’t need no falcon-wing doors.

I am not convince that Apple will make a actual Car, but mabey integration to cars yes.

Found the old Microsoft Joke From GM

I remember that joke when it came out. The part that got me was this:

“3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.”

You see, in the early 2000s a lot of GM cars actually did this – the Impala most notably – and GM just denied it. We joked that GM had the same reliability as Windows.

Gear shift? *lol*…

Likewise – “car stalls”? When does an electric motor stall? That’s a feature only available on gas cars!

You are not aware of Ford’s Stop Safely Now problem? The Focus EV would randomly shut off. Mine did in the parking lot at work. Had to be towed to the dealer.

“Apple topics can be polarizing” – Area Man


Regarding the article, I see the advantage of it. An Apple car would bring public awareness and desire for electric cars, like they did with smartphones.

But since Apple is the pinnacle of planned obsolescence I’d rather have a Samsung electric car with open-source Android Auto…


Didn’t they come up with the same shit when Ford announced it was using a Windows based OS for the infotainment?

– If you hold the steering wheel wrong, and try to turn, that your car will just stall.

– If you plug your car in to charge, the car’s computer hard crashes. (Thunderbolt connector to Cinema Display. Timing problem with the graphics accelerators for anyone who doesn’t know.)

– Charging plug breaks every year or so, forcing you to replace the charger.

No stalling, no gear changes. So much is still not common knowledge when it comes to the nature of future personal transport.

That’s the joke.