Tesla's Elon Musk (Shown Here From Hong Kong In January)

Tesla's Elon Musk (Shown Here From Hong Kong In January)

TIME FOR SOME RE-THINKS

If TeslaMondo ran Tesla, it would call a high-level meeting, and it would go something like this:

“Okay, folks. It’s time for a revamp, of, um, basically everything. First, our web presence. Tesla.com redirects to Teslamotors.com. And Teslaenergy.com redirects to Teslamotors.com/powerwall. These online detours indicate a lack of cohesion. It’s time to back up and ask a few fundamental questions:

1. What are we called? Tesla? Tesla Motors? 2. What do we offer? Cars? Batteries?

3. How do we funnel people where they want to go? If we were an airport, we’d be out of business by now.”

“Next subject is Model S. We’re about three years into the current design. True, the car is still novel most parts of the world, and the OTA updates boost our shelf life for sure, but we should touch the styling a bit. Model X now represents the latest and greatest EV, and it's unashamedly mouthless, grille-less, intake-less. That’s the new language of premium electric vehicles, as written by us. Model S is speaking another, older language. As we plan a refresh, we should think about losing the fake nose and coming out of the closet as an EV. Enough masquerading.”

“Also, BMW’s ‘M’ division and Mercedes’ ‘AMG’ division use subtle styling differentiation to create a hierarchy. By comparison, Teslas have no visual hierarchy. They all look pretty much the same. This boosts the status of the cheapest versions, but at the expense of the high end. We’re basically communists. Do we want that?”

“For Model III, what if we did a massive Easter egg hunt for a handful of III prototypes we’ve stashed here and there? This could be a literal or a virtual hunt. Maybe we ‘hide’ them online, somewhere obscure? Or we stash an actual prototype, perhaps only the shell, in the middle of nowhere? This could be a real-life, role-play adventure game and another nod to gamers.”

And at this point, men in white suits would burst into the room with a very long-sleeved jacket. Meeting adjourned.

* Turned out to be a lowly 85, without even a P.

*Editor's Note: This and countless other Tesla-related posts appear at TeslaMondo. Check it out here.