Tesla Model S Tire Blowout Causes Media Frenzy

4 years ago by Jay Cole 13

A Tesla Model S Does A Little Supercharging Between Making Headlines

A Tesla Model S Does A Little Supercharging Between Making Headlines

“The automotive industry was in tatters yesterday with the news that a Tesla Model S had gotten a flat tire.”

Model S Being Careful Not To Enter Any "Media" Storms

Model S Being Careful Not To Enter Any “Media” Storms

So begins the faux-news article at Autoblopnik – which is a website in the same vein as news satire site The Onion, but focusing solely on automobiles.

We thought given Tesla’s wild market cap fluctuations over a recent single accident/collision that resulted in a fire occurring inside the Model S, that perhaps it was time to take things a little less seriously and focus on something more light-hearted.

The article continues:

“At this time, I can only confirm that a Tesla Model S suffered a massive pressure loss in the semi-structural air cavity of the front-left wheel and tire assembly,” said Tesla spokesman Liz Expendable-Smith. “I’m sure our CEO will have more to say on this matter after his nap and circle time.”

…Industry analyst Paul Steisenbergenstienystadt, appearing on CBC’s morning news show Asscrack of Dawn, said, “This is obviously a major setback for Tesla. People think the Model S is a futuristic form of transportation simply because it can do everything an ordinary car can do without consuming any oil. This devastating incident proves that the Tesla is not immune to the perils of ordinary cars. Clearly, these so-called ‘electric cars’ are not ready for prime time.”

Tesla stock prices dropped another two points in the wake of Steisenbergenstienystadt’s comments, then rose by half a point when it was realized that he did the entire segment with his fly open.

Tesla Model S Gets Some Satirical Press

Tesla Model S Gets Some Satirical Press

So in the spirit of the article, we encourage everyone to just take a deep breath over the media frenzy that seems to surround everything Tesla does, or does not do, and just relax.

And of course, check out the entire satirical article in all its glory at Autoblopnik (which incidentally is a great name)

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13 responses to "Tesla Model S Tire Blowout Causes Media Frenzy"

  1. Taser54 says:

    Tesla issued a statemtent that gasoline powered cars have more blowouts and it was only due to the superior engineering of the Tesla that a puppy two miles away on the same road was spared a gruesome death.

  2. Nelson says:

    The day will come when we start using airless tires.
    I can’t wait.
    https://www.google.com/#q=airless+tires

    NPNS!
    Volt#671

  3. Assaf says:

    haha, good one! Sharing…

  4. MDEV says:

    FOX will broadcast it as breaking news. It will be the more realistic report in years.

  5. Jesse Gurr says:

    “Had this incident taken place in a gasoline-powered car, the results could have been disastrous. Did I say ‘could’? I meant would. If this had happened in a gas car, people would have died, man. Scores of ‘em.”

    Tesla’s stock prices rallied in the wake of Mr. Musk’s comments, for which he was rewarded with a smiley-face sticker and a cookie.”

    HAHA! Scores of ’em

  6. kdawg says:

    Autoblopnik should have had a comment by ‘area man’.

    Here’s The Onion’s take on Tesla selling cars in malls.

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/tesla-to-sell-cars-in-malls,28489/

  7. kdawg says:

    Autoblopnik’s article on the Chevy Volt fire.

    http://autoblopnik.com/category/chevrolet-volt/

  8. Rick says:

    I’m glad to see that Tesla/Musk fanboys are finally starting to take themselves less seriously. 🙂

  9. Tesla Fan says:

    This devastating incident proves that the Tesla is not immune to the perils of ordinary cars. Clearly, these so-called ‘electric cars’ are not ready for prime time.”

    Obvious troll is obvious

    1. kdawg says:

      The article is mean as a joke. They are not trolling. Are you familiar w/The Onion?

      1. Foo says:

        I guess Tesla Fan didn’t catch the phrase “faux-news article” on the very first line.

  10. John says:

    I believe students at the university of Kippenshoopa have discovered that certain air molecules can actually be trained to hold a particular shape . In this case it would be a large donut in the dimensions of a car tire. They found that by sending the air to school and talking nicely to it, some air molecules are more than happy to do as there told, Professer Shmichpoo called this the (eager puppy effect). Once this method is fully developed, which they claim will be in 2 weeks, 4 days and 3 hours 42 minutes. Buyers will have the option of filling their tires with this Smart Air. The only downfall could be if the air changes it’s mind. But so far, it appears that once the air has made a commitment to holding it’s shape. it will keep that commitment indefinitely. So say good bye to flat tires, the air will just refuse to leave if a puncture or other damage occurs. You just have to be comfortable with the air in your tires being smarter than you are. I think I can handle that.

  11. Kablo Kanali says:

    A good car to buy. The range is amazing and we are waiting for the low-cost model also…